kitt79

Random bits and pieces...

I am on a semi-diet. Drinking almost exclusively water and cutting out a lot of fast food. I think it's working...slowly....

Winry had her 6 month checkup last friday. She did fine, only one session of screaming that night. Tylenol, I love thee so. She is eating various foods... she'll pick bits of food up and try chewing it, even. She really wants to help out when I spoon feed her, too, which makes a big mess but we have a lot of fun so it's all good.

She was obviously fascinated with us brushing our teeth so we got her a toothbrush. She chews happily on it while we brush. She can sit up for a bit without support, you just have to catch her when she inevitably falls over. She has fun in her walker, too. Can't quite get up on all fours to crawl (I blame her huge head)... she gets one end or the other up but not both yet. She's adept at rolling and scooting to her target though. Made it all the way across the bed rolling to get to a cat, and would have followed him over the edge when he fled, except I stopped her.

Working on selling the african grey. If anyone has $500 to trade for a very sweet parrot, by all means, let me know. She's too much work with a baby in the house. Too needy. And the baby wants to touch her so bad... I worry about those little fingers getting nipped.

If you are reading this, feel free to also read my other blog which is all about my various adventures in pet ownership... it's at http://crittergeek.blogspot.com/. Click my ads so I can make a little Dragoncon money :).

Winry has recently been fascinated by us brushing our teeth...

I bought her a baby toothbrush and she chews happily on it while studying us to see if she's doing it right :)

Happy half birthday daughter of mine :)

We saw Transformers 2 today. I actually liked it better than the first one. There were fewer "omg we can make cgi transformers!" scenes... those always irritate me. It's like in LoTR with all the epic shots of people walking, you could just hear someone thinking "omg we are really making LoTR!" and someone else going "Squeee!".

Being the dork I am, I have named my chilean rose "Shelob" and my A. versicolor "Aragog".

I thought my A. versicolor was dying, but he was just getting ready to molt :). Now he is a pretty cobalt blue. I wish they photographed better. I'll work on my lighting next time.

I ended up taking out the rocks that I didn't particularly like -- the mysterious black one, and the less porous/interesting ones. Then I moved the rocks from the 30g that I liked into it. It looks pretty good. The leather coral is fairly happy, although it's pitching a little bit of a hissy fit over being right under a powerhead. Leathers are temperamental like that though. It'll get over it. I moved the large mexican turbo snail in as well, still need to catch the astrea snail and the last lonely blueleg hermit in the 30g.

I have ordered an assortment of snails and crabs from liveaquaria.com and should get them next week :)

Pictures will be forthcoming.....soon.

See it.

No spoilers; it was geekgasmic. I almost cried halfway through for no particular reason other than it was good.

My only complaint? Not enough naked Hugh Jackman.

[For non fishkeepers out there;
live rock = very porous rock with necessary nitrifying bacteria colonies present. Rock straight from the ocean/aquacultured is rich in other life as well, from algae to crabs to starfish to worms...
to cycle = to build up nitrifying bacteria colonies to the point that they can process ammonia produced by fish, invertebrates, etc.
amphipods & copepods = tiny but visible bugs found in healthy cycled reef tanks]

I have a 55 gallon aquarium full of saltwater and live rock. It's cycled. I could start adding animals but...it's not the way I wanted to do it, and I don't know what to do about it.

Here's what happened. Well over a year ago, after my oscars died, I started trying to figure out what to do with the tank. My first impulse was a bunch of small stupidfish. I mean things like tetras and neons and platies. Cheap, colorful, but not gifted with very complex behaviors or particularly interesting traits (to me anyway). And this was mostly due to me not wanting more really big fish and my extremely limited/almost no budget. William thought I should go saltwater, but I knew I didn't have that kind of money.

And then William got a job. Hooray! I reconsidered. I began gathering materials. I did my research. I made a Plan. We bought the sand. I filled the tank. I ordered a skimmer, pumps, test kits, and my fresh-from-the-ocean live rock. The next day, William didn't have a job anymore, all my employees suffered my foul mood, and orders that could be canceled were canceled (rock etc). I kept my test kits, stuck them in the cabinet. The skimmer I kept boxed up in case it had to be ebayed. And once more, the tank sat waiting.

Skip forward to December -- William had a job once more, and in spite of the incoming baby, I gradually started to think about my tank again. I somehow got my skimmer hooked up. I got a real filter for Christmas and got that running.

Then a friend of mine came into possession of some rock from another person's tank. He gave me some, which was awesome, but not in the original plan, of course. The tank is now cycled, with copepods and amphipods running around eating algae but no other interesting life; this rock came to me almost dead.

Now, decisions;

I take part of the rock out, leave the cool bits, and order new fresh rock.
Pros -- exciting new life! Possible cool rock shapes. More like what I wanted.
Cons -- must cycle again due to die-off in shipping rock. Costs $100ish.

I take rock from my existing 35g reef and plop it in the 55 with the current rock in place.
Pros -- cheap. No additional cycle time.
Cons -- no new life. :( As aquariums age you lose a lot of creepy crawlies due simply to time/extinction in your tiny slice of ocean.

Keep in mind to me one of the most exciting parts of a reef tank is that initial cycle when god knows what is crawling out of the fresh rock on a daily basis.

I don't know.

I think my see-n-say used to say that on the little house icon.

We had a fun field trip to TN :). I should have some pictures to share later. And video if I have time to convert and edit.

For now though, I have a sleeping baby on my lap and a sick (and sleeping) husband. I don't know if it's a virus or just bad food poisoning. We both felt bad last night, but I feel fine this morning so far while he's miserable. It didn't help that the storms last night knocked out a transformer and we were without power for 7ish hours.

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So I realized a lot of my recent posts have been, well, somewhat emo. Thought it was time for good things :).

Motherhood! I like it. In my very biased eyes, Winry is the cutest thing I've seen in at least 30 years, not to mention the most precious. Not precious like little old ladies say it, precious like Depeche Mode. Fragile and important. Something to be cherished.

I had some problems at first, mostly when I was still coming down off hormones. I wanted desperately to leave her with mom for a day to play WoW, or go out and have my night-of-drinking I wanted so badly while pregnant. I wanted someone to tell me I didn't have to breastfeed, so I could be "free". I wanted her in her own room so I could have my bed and my husband all to myself. I felt isolated, lonely and trapped.

But... now that the hormones are stabilizing out, finally... I actually don't mind holding her for 2 hours while she sleeps... I enjoy it, even with the nagging chores waiting to be done. I don't mind as much having her in our room, and I think I'll have mixed feelings when we do try to move her to the crib at night. I'll probably cry. I enjoy breastfeeding, which is cool, and feel guilty when I pump and give her a bottle for whatever reason, which isn't as cool because it makes me think I've been a little brainwashed, but whatever.

I've essentially stopped playing WoW, I don't have time and it was stressing me out to not be making any progress in game. I want to play, but I think it may be a few months before I can feel ok about it. I'm well through the initial withdrawal, and waiting for the second wall to hit. Can you tell I've tried quitting mmorpgs before? hehe. I'll probably never get to play like I did... but I do hope to get back to one raid a week perhaps at some point. I do hope Baidden doesn't kick me out of the guild or anything. Don't kick me, Baidden. I know where you live. And I have a baby. And I would cry.

Also, good news, I have been able to control the violent white-hot searing rage that burns my very core to a black and deadly ash whenever the parrot makes too much noise. This is good news because it means I have not beaten the bird to a small bloody lump of feathers and beak fragments. Never in my life have I ever even considered harming so much as a hair or feather or scale of any living thing (fleas, ticks, and mosquitos excluded) until this bird made a sound that I am pretty sure could damage my baby's hearing. Damn, mother instincts are scary.

Also new for me; can't stand any news story or tv show where baby *anythings* are hurt, orphaned, die, etc. This includes fetal anythings. I get all full of sad and angry.

I make a lot more friends with baby in arms. I go to Target or Publix down the street and half a dozen women stop me to ask how old she is and whether I read to her and isn't she tiny/cute/sleepy/happy/etc. People who wouldn't give me the time of day before will now tell me all about all their kids. It's interesting.

Anyway, as promised by several people (thankyou), things are getting better.

Hooray!

Last night I dreamed that we were at Wal-Mart, and Ristoril decided to trade in the snazzy new watch I got him for Christmas for a little cheap one. We had a big fight in which I told him not to do it, and I went outside to sit on a bench and stew. When he came out with the new watch we kept on fighting and couldn't seem to make up.

I also dreamed that I was playing WoW. (As usual in these dreams I was wearing my armor, but my spells were cards I played, then did the action. CCG style lol.) I was in a a raid as a healer but soon realized they didn't really need me. I followed them around and eventually we got to an old world boss that I figured I could tank as a consolation, and put on my tanking gear, but just as I played my cards the warrior charged and killed it. I picked my cards up dejectedly and realized the group had disbanded and left me there.

ghhh.

Baby's fussing. What time? 4:08. ugh. Ok, maybe hungry. Why is it so bright? Oh yeah left tv on. I wish that universal remote's power button worked. I didn't want to disturb baby so I had flipped it to "Av input", leaving the screen black with the glowing words "connect AV cables" silently waiting all night, til now. Now vague hopes of being able to stumble across room and turn it off finally drift through my mind.

Roll over, retrieve baby from cosleeper, and feed... hmm no, still fussing. Oh wow, that's a nice smell.

I sit up assess the situation. I've been asleep for two hours. The room spins. The diaper bag is right there; I've never done a poopy diaper on the bed but hey, I'm leet, right? Drag diaper bag here, pull out handy changing pad. I'm no fool. This should make a fair poop-barrier should my hand slip. Memories of pee-fountains surface, nagging... but that hasn't happened in weeks. It's all good.

Baby on pad. Unfasten diaper. THE HORROR. The diaper is a black pit of despair. It is apparent that the dim light of "connect AV cables" will be insufficient. Light. Turn, balance baby feet, pull chain. Baby and I both blink groggily. Re-assess. I've totally got this. Baby wipes still in bag. Sigh. Dig them out, one handed, open. Remove diaper. Begin clean-up.

It's not as bad as expected. Cleans quickly. Add icky wipes to diaper of dark despair; release baby feet, fold away the horror. Three points, I hit the trashcan. Mental note to empty trashcan in the morning. Examine hands. No poo! Yeah, I am leet like that, I...

Ah. Naked baby, expectant. I fish out a clean diaper. Baby is sad! What? Why?? Get the diaper on! Lift feet, slide... noes! The pee! It has fountained. Maybe it's all on the pad. It looks like it is. Oh. No, there it goes. Quick! Absorbent things! Tissues, paper towels, towels, diapers, brain hands me the list and I grab what I can. No. It's on the bedspread. Ok. The pool is gone, snuggled into a pile of facial tissue. I have brief regrets, that was a little wasteful. Tissues aren't built for that.

Prioritize.
Announce to feline audience "This has been a terrible disaster."
Felines silently agree.

Baby. Remove pee residue with wipes and tissue. Replace clothing. Done, with bonus grumbling about how she had a bath just 6 hours ago. Note; baby is sad. Wishes to nurse. Must get on that soon.
Pad. Mostly dry, soaked in. Toss to side for washing in the morning.
Bed. Maybe it's just the comforter... no... bah. How far does it go? Peel back the layers. Keep going. I can't sleep in this.

Ok. Quick like a bunny! Baby in carrier (another mental note, baby disapproves). Move items on bed off bed. Done. Take out frustrations by violently ripping off all bedclothes. Stop having fun; baby is screaming. Retrieve new sheets, install. Replace important items. Retrieve baby and get ready to feed.

Oh yeah.

Hit the damn tv power switch.

Winry's 2 month checkup was yesterday. She weighs 9lbs 5oz now, at 8 weeks :). She was due for 5 or 6 vaccinations, but Rist felt more comfortable splitting them up into two sessions, so she got 2 shots and the oral one, whatever it is, and gets 3 more shots in 2 weeks. I didn't really have that issue with vaccinations, but if it gives him peace of mind... shrug.

What I do take issue with is that this is the second doctor who has advised us to put her in her own room, in her crib, and let her cry it out. WTF. The first time they told us this was at 4 weeks. 4 weeks and "she needs to learn to self-soothe". We rolled our eyes and kept doing what we'd been doing. Now they tell us at 8 weeks to put her in the crib at 7 or 8pm and leave her until 6 or 7 am, and that she doesn't need to eat at night.

Again, WTF. I don't even know where to start my list.

I don't think I can go 12 hours without nursing. My boobs would rebel. Ow.
I don't think I SHOULD go 12 hours without nursing. Most sites quote 6 as a max for maintaining milk supply and all that stuff.
Milk is food AND water. Even I as an adult don't go 12 hours without water! Hell, I hardly go that long without food.
Why let her cry? How traumatic... she can't help herself. Her only current measure of control over her world is to cry and hope like hell someone comes to her rescue and figures out what she needs. I'm supposed to take away her only resource? So she can do nothing but shut down and be miserable? Fall asleep crying? I've cried myself to sleep, it's not cool.

There was an experiment we learned about in some psych class. You put a cat in a cage, with a divider. On one side you have a wire grate; you electrify it, the cat jumps to the safety of the other side. If you then close the divider, and electrify it, the cat initially tries to get away any way it can. Once it realizes there is nothing it can do, it simply lies down and takes the shock, over and over. Sadly, if you then remove the divider, it will generally just still lie there and take it, having learned that nothing it can do will make the pain go away.

That's what this is. Learned helplessness. I can do nothing to change this horrible situation, so all I can do is lie here and take it.

Like hell I'm going to do that to my child.

sucks